Mr Weatherby

Subject: FROM MR MIKES TO YOU (don’t use all caps.)
From: “Dear Sir/Madam” (mikeandree4@voila.fr) (put your name here, not a greeting)
Date: Mon, May 26, 2008 2:58 am
To: undisclosed-recipients:; (why? suspicious)

Dear Sir/Madam don’t you know who I am?
I am (a/the) manager of one of the leading company (which one? ) in South Benin. (runon) inIn my company, we discovered an abandoned large sum of money (US$14.7M) belonging to one of our Foreign Customer foreign customers, Mr. William Barnes, an American Nationality, a businessman,businessman who was involved in an air crash along with his family.:-( You can confirm from the website below. PLANE CRASH WEB SITE (don’t use all caps) http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/index.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/egyptair/article/0,,196602,00.html. (website from 2003? use updated sources!) I am seeking for your Co-operation cooperation to front you as the beneficiary of the funds. (confusing…explain. why me? you come off crazy throwing this out for no reason) No beneficiary, No no other person knows about these funds neither operate nor has anyone operated this account since his death. (why not? doesn’t make sense) The Strategy strategy is to use our (”our”? who else are you representing? this comes out of nowhere) influence as managers of the company to approve you as the beneficiary and release the funds over to you. (do I need to pay you some of the money? What’s the catch?) So if you are interested please reply with your full name, Address, address telephone and fax (nobody uses fax anymore) number for further clarification. (clarify here!) You should contact me on my Private Email private email / mikeandree3@voila.fr (”.fr”? I thought you were in Benin?!?)immediately as soon as you receive this letter email. Trusting to hear from you immediately. (fragment, reword)

Yours faithfully
Regards. (choose one closing an use a comma after it.)
Mr. Mike Andree (If your last name isn’t “Mikes”, don’t call yourself “Mr. Mikes” in the subject line)

Your writing mechanics need some work. In particular, be attentive of your capitalization. Interesting usage of cnn.com, but as mentioned previously, please use a more recent article. Other than that, this email lacked originality…I felt like I had read this dozens of times before.
C-